Birthday
13 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
I had planned to do everything I could to look like this on my birthday. But alas, here it is, I’m 28 with so many dreams still unfulfilled, and my friends have forced me into having an amusing dinner at my corner Italian bistro.
It’s all well and good. I’m suffering from sinus things due to an allergy attack in the woods this past weekend. It will make the revelry a little easier.
Turning a year older is never really all that easy for me. Maybe for anyone who started out with such high hopes and dreams and slowly our lives are passing us by.
That’s a lie, I’m traveling, I’m doing great things, but my headaches are killing me.
Doodle
11 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I started drawing again. Been drawing sloppy caricatures of friends and people I’ve met. Most of them are funny. You can’t tell, but I’m actually really funny. I’m hilarious.
My mind has been still, finally. Still enough for me to sit and make these little doodles, doodles that I really love and enjoy.
Sad
08 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I smell great and there’s no one here to enjoy the perfume and lavender on my skin.
Acceptance
05 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I wish I could write myself a letter from the future that said something along the lines of: “I’m really happy you stopped trying so hard to be happy for the sake of company. That meant that you were sad for a while, and that’s always painful, but at least it’s honest.”
Ill
31 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
I think I’m invincible, you know? I think I am invulnerable to disease and misfortune sometimes. As bad as it has ever possibly gotten for me, it’s never been all that bad. I’ve survived all the hardships because they haven’t been all that hard.
But having food poisoning sure makes me feel like there is NOTHING else in the entire world that is worse than being me, living my life right now.
All the worlds hardships, all of the pain and suffering, wars, sickness, abuse, disease, who gives a damn? I’m ALONE in my BED and I’m SUFFERING with NOTHING but hulu to give me any kind of comfort. THE WORLD IS CRUEL, DAMN IT. SO CRUEL!
Pull Me Through
28 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
…several things dove-tailed in my mind, and at once it struck me what quality went to form a Man of Achievement, especially in Literature, and which Shakespeare possessed so enormously – I mean Negative Capability, that is, when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason…
John Keats, from a letter he wrote in 1817.
My blogging history has taken on many shapes and forms and I’ve always wondered if I should have some sort of purpose with my writing: to enlighten, to cheer folks up, to showcase my very important and special thoughts… Man, I give up trying to determine what the purpose is. For now, I’m fine with existing, and striving towards a Keatsian kind of achievement, pondering uncertainties without attempting to make sense of them.
There’s not much room for romantics in the world these days it seems. I can’t help but feel like I am one.
Love Live Laughter
16 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
You know what sexy is to me? It’s not having to worry about whether or not I’m sexy enough. That question doesn’t even come into my mind. If I don’t have to feel self-conscious, or worried that the man I’m with doesn’t think me good enough, that makes him astronomically more sexy. Because, if I’m being totally honest, I look in the mirror, and I see an average sized woman. Not skinny, not terribly overweight. Curvy, Apple Bottomed, Short. Cute by certain standards, cool by others, strange by even others, but all those things I like about myself. I may not look like this, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel like this:
And the men that I’ve loved, that I’ve admired, that I’ve pined for, it’s usually because I think they might see me in the same way. That’s what I think is sexy. The validation of something I already believe about myself.
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